I dedicate this page to YOU Dads!  Men have a very unique and important role to play in childbirth.  Many men do not have the least idea how important this event is to their family...and to themselves personally. You don't have to get all mushy and sentimental to participate in labor and birth, but with a few good tips a dad can have a good experience.

Nurturing doesn't come naturally to most men, but you can learn some basic skills that will help to stay connected during a time when you are desprately needed.  In fact, just understanding how important you are can have a huge impact on how well you step up to the challenge. 

Labor support for men:

YOUR primary job is going to be providing HER with a safe and secure feeling.  If she feels stressed and helpless she will have a harder time in labor.  You are the centurian - guarding against the enemy of fear, anxiety, and tension.  Try to create an atmosphere that would be condusive for intimacy.

• Show support, NO distractions - TV, looking out the window, etc.
• Stay near-by, don't let her feel alone.
• Tell her that you love her - often!
• Tell her that you're proud of her - often!
• Tell her that she's doing a great job - often!

• Remember that this is the natural completion of your love-making.  You started this baby together.  It is an event that you must be part of...not out of punishment but to experience the full cycle that you started!  To not connect with this would be like getting tickets to NASCAR and choosing to spend the entire time sitting in your car listening to the announcers. 

• Touch her often: kiss her, gently rub her shoulders or hold her hand!  She needs your reasuring touch during each contraction. Don't be hurt if she sometimes doesn't like what you're doing, just keep doing what you can.

• STAND UP FOR HER - EVEN IF YOU DON'T WANT TO!!!   (I Recommend watching the last few minutes of the movie "Knocked UP" because it shows a dad standing up for the emotional needs of the woman he loves  - watch out for bad language and graphic footage of birth!)

• When she says "I CAN'T do this anymore..."  It is most likely NOT true!  Those are commonly heard words when labor is strongest - often said moments before the baby's head can be seen.  Don't tell her she's wrong, just hold her hand and tell her she's done a wonderful job so far.

• Remember that labor gets progressively harder and the support of 2 hours ago may not be enough NOW...add support as it is needed!

• The more CALM you are, the more calm she'll be. 

• If she seems to be really in a panick - CALL HER NAME...MOVE IN CLOSE SO SHE CAN SEE AND HEAR YOU...AND TELL HER TO LOOK AT YOU/OPEN HER EYES...THEN BREATHE WITH HER.  (SLOWLY: IN-2-3 OUT 2-3)  SHE CAN'T CONCENTRATE ON YOU IF YOU'RE MORE THAN A FOOT OR TWO AWAY FROM HER FACE AT THIS POINT IN LABOR!...speak in a calm but clear voice.

The Check LIST:

• Is it quiet?
• Is she comfortable?
• Does she feel safe?
• Does she need a drink? snack?
• Is she too hot/cold?
• Has she used the bathroom in the last hour?
• Are the medical staff answering her/your questions well?
• Does she feel respected?
• Are the lights too bright?
• Are you standing/sitting/laying close enough to be face to face with her during her next contraction?
• Are you being encouraging?

This is NOT a complete list for dads!!!  There is much more to it, but this is a good start.  A dad who just does these things will likely feel much better about the experience than one who doesn't.  AND he will also have a stronger connection with his wife and baby!

One of my primary roles as a doula is to encourage dads to be involved.  I will help you meet your goals by encouraging you all along the way, pointing out things you can do and coaching you in how to meet her unique labor needs.  I work hard to NOT get between a laboring couple, but to help them work together and to fill any gaps that are natural to such a HUGE responsibility. 

Women do need other women to encourage and support them, they need to feel a little mothered during labor, but they also need their man there with them.  Never forget that you are a needed, wanted and respected part of the birth team.  If you picture labor in your mind you should be able to see a woman with her doula on one side, the father of her baby on the other...we're her team: together.